The Mimes
by Aninnymous
Summary: The Titans' newest foe, BrainBender All the good names were taken, again aka, Ted, has infected Cyborg and Beast Boy with a virus that will cause them to...lose the power of speech! Anyway...Pairings are BBRae and RobStar.
1. Silence and Pink

The Mimes

I am just trying to get the hang of submitting these things, so I am starting with little humor fics.

Disclaimer-I don't own Teen Titans. Nobody without really, really, really good credentials as an attorney, incredible acting skills, and enough affiliation to choke a bull elephant could ever aspire to own Teen Titans.

Believe me-I've tried.

Summary: The Titans' newest foe, Brain Bender (all the good names were taken, again!) is infecting Cyborg and Beast Boy's minds with a virus that will cause them to.....lose the power of speech! Bet you didn't see that one coming! Anyway, our two dashing rolls eyes young heroes are forced to mime all their communications until they are returned to normal or at least until they can learn sign language.....scoffs WARNING! I may write this so Cyborg develops a fondness for tofu. If you prefer to have some sanity left, read my other, equally lousy, fic.

Oh, and for you seasoned authors, can somebody explain these to me?

What is an OC?

How do I edit text once I've submitted it?

How do I post multiple chapters?

Answer my questions, and, since I am at a loss as how to mail you a giant chocolate-chip cookie, I will dedicate a ficcie to you! Aren't I nice?

That question was rhetorical.

Ted awoke with a start and jerked his face off the keypad he was using as a pillow. He rubbed his cheek and erased the involuntary gibberish. A very hard pillow....

He glanced at the clock-5:26 a.m. Good-there was still time. Coughing to clear his throat, and giving a yawn that a bullfrog would be proud of, he gave his work one last look and clicked a button on the computer. The mechanisms behind his back began whirring. Chemicals poured themselves from beaker to beaker. Mechanical arms reached down to stir mixtures and solutions. All the beakers were picked up at the same time and poured simultaneously into the largest container yet. A metal stirring stick reached in of its own accord and began mixing it until it reached the syrupy consistency of melted butter, now of perfect clarity, frothing slightly. Ted smiled a rare smile and closed the program. As he picked up the beaker, a photograph popped up on the screen. Ted laughed quietly.

"Soon the city will be demolished, the law will split at the seams, and the reign of the Titans will come to an end!" He slipped on a squishy pink costume, plucked the beaker from its holder, and poured the contents into a spill proof metal container.

He exited through a sliding metal door. The photograph became fuzzy as the lights dimmed, then blanked completely as the computer shut down. The Teen Titans disappeared from the computer screen.

And if Brain-Bender's plan worked, they would disappear off the face of the Earth.

The Brain Bender slipped quietly through the window of the Tower, opening the gargantuan refrigerator door. He spread the gunk in his gloved hand over all the meat, and, tofu-"Probably there because a couple of them prefer it," he thought. There wasn't any left to spread on everything else-the chemicals he used were rare and he could barely afford grams of them on the black market. Still, there were a few more drops....maybe...

He heard footsteps...There was no more time....At least he had disabled the cameras. The system he used would make it look not only like he was never there, but as if the camera hadn't been shut down at all. Nobody would ever detect him. He slipped hastily out the window and used a gastric pink hang glider **(I couldn't resist) **to make a thorough escape.

Raven stopped in her tracks. She had felt a presence in the kitchen, but it had disappeared as soon as her footsteps became audible. She had been in counseling all day yesterday over the computer. Robin forced her to do it ever since her outburst at "Plastico."

Nothing. She shrugged it off and proceeded to make tea. It was probably only a figment of her imagination, a product of meditative deficit. **(Once again, I couldn't resist) **How she hated that condescending counselor...

Beast Boy snuck down the stairs. Today he would make tofu waffles before Cyborg could get down to make that disgusting meat. _Mwahahaha!_ He thought. Flying down the stairs to avoid making them creak, he flitted into the kitchen in hummingbird form. By now, Raven was about to head upstairs with her tea to read a good book. **(I didn't have any better phrases; so sue me (And the disclaimer says you can't, nayh, nayh nayh, nayh, nayh!)) **A little sculpting, mixing, slamming into the waffle iron, and the waffles were done. Beast Boy smiled and began to eat. Cyborg came downstairs, screeched at BB, "How can you eat that stuff?" BB screeched the same thing, and this continued for a while. Robin and Starfire slipped downstairs, crammed earplugs into their ears, and poured cereal for themselves. Nobody asked where Raven was. She was obviously in her room, buried under masses of pillows borrowed from Starfire, reading and drinking tea by flashlight, desperately hoping to find a respite for her tired ears.

The alarm went off. Typical. Raven phased through the ceiling. The firearms store downtown was being robbed. Starfire looked confused. "Friend Raven, what is an "arm of fire?""

Raven sighed. "_Firearms_ are guns, Starfire. They are small objects made out of metal that complete idiots use to kill each other." She spoke evenly, as if mentioning moderately cloudy weather. Robin couldn't help biting his lip and taking a frightened step away.

The Titans flew to the scene of the crime **(I didn't have any better phrases; so sue me (And the disclaimer says you can't, nayh, nayh nayh, nayh, nayh!)) **and stood behind the building across the street, out of sight. After conferring, they flew out from behind it and went into action. Raven disabled most of the guns by twisting or melting them. Starfire did the same. Robin and Beast Boy served as the distraction, and Cyborg used his sonic cannon to blast apart the roof, knocking most of the perpetrators out. Raven trapped them in energy as they tried to escape. Another victory. She rolled her eyes.

It was then that the truly epic event occurred. Beast Boy was punching the air, yelling-silent yelling.

It was the same with Cyborg.

Something was wrong.

"Guys, something is wrong," Robin remarked. Cyborg and BB grabbed their throats and choked, trying to rid them of imaginary blockages. Starfire looked extremely concerned.

"Have friends Cyborg and Beast Boy forgotten the art of the speaking?"

Raven sighed. Sometimes she wished Starfire would practice the art of the speaking a little more.

Annoyed, worried, and confused, the Titans returned to the Tower.

"Not that anybody cares at all," said Raven, "But if you need me I'll obviously be in my room, buried under masses of borrowed pillows from Starfire, reading and drinking tea by flashlight, desperately trying to find a respite for my tired ea...." She stopped. She thought. She realized. She backflipped. She laughed uproariously. Everybody was beginning to look scared. Really scared. No one had yet realized what Raven meant. Now that Cyborg and Beast Boy were forcibly shut up, nobody would have to listen to them arguing. Nobody would have to eat tofu or meat if they didn't want to. Nobody would have to listen to Beast Boys tired-out jokes. "Woo-hoo! I'll be returning the masses of borrowed pillows to Starfire, recycling all my earplugs, meditating, reading, drinking tea, and ENJOYING THE PEACE AND QUIET!!!!!!!!FINALLY!!!!" she shrieked in a single breath, phasing back through the ceiling. The rest of the Titans could hear her maniacal laughter. Beast Boy looked the slightest bit hurt. Cyborg and Starfire looked confused and very in-the-dark about the whole thing. Robin looked as though something were finally dawning on him. Beast Boy walked over to the counter, picked up a pad, and scribbled, "_If she wants less noise, she should make less_." His scribbling was accompanied by plaster falling from the ceiling, conveniently on his head. Raven could be heard singing loudly.

Robin looked like he was suddenly seeing the world for the first time, like life itself was too good to be true. Not an understatement. His mouth was gaping, yet drawn upward into a weird smiling shape. He was moving his hands around as if to feel the air itself. He might have just walked out of an asylum. His eyes (mask) were open as wide as possibly possible. He fainted and fell onto the couch.

Starfire was now beyond _beyond_ confused. Was everyone else ill-Beast Boy and Cyborg's sudden loss of speech, Robin and Raven's sudden loss of sanity? At least you could talk to a crazy person. She flew up the stairs to see Raven.

"Raven?" she called. "I wish to have the talk of girls with you..." Raven's door flew open. "Yes, Starfire? Would you like to help me set up a party celebrating this grand and momentous occasion in our lives?"

"Actually, I was wondering if our friends are ill...do you feel well, Raven?"

"OOOOOOOOOOOHH YES!" Raven squealed. "Never better, never never never never never! This is the best thing that's ever happened to me." She backflipped again, through the doorway to her room.

Her _pink_ room.

Starfire blinked. Was it possible that this was instead the door to her room? She _had_ gone through a pink phase lately......

"Fff-friend Raven....Have you "redecorated?""

"Yep! Like it? Pink's my favorite color!"

Starfire fainted dead away.

Meanwhile, the mutes were becoming hungry. Cyborg and Beast Boy both raced to the fridge at the same time. They tried to argue over what to cook first. Since there was no sound coming out of their mouths, they tried a different tack. Beast Boy picked up Starfire's makeup compact from the countertop and doused the steak Cyborg was preparing in fluffy pink powder. Cyborg, fuming, pretended to kick at Beast Boy. BB ducked and jumped out of the way, right into place for Cyborg to lob the trash can onto him. All-out warfare broke out in the kitchen. Mushrooms, soup cans, even the classic banana peel-all food was reclassified as ammunition. Beast Boy threw rotten fruit at Cyborg, who retaliated by shaking spices over his head. The response was a skunk's spray in the face, which was answered by-ironically-tomato juice. The sprawl ended when Beast Boy turned into an elephant, sucking up all the water in the dish-stuffed sink with his trunk, and spraying Cyborg.

Robin woke up. Some of the water had landed on his face and he had jumped up coughing. Seeing the scene caused by Beast Boy and Cyborg was little help to his sanity.

He fainted again.

The fight continued.

Meanwhile, upstairs, Raven was trying to wake up Starfire. Water didn't work. Pinching didn't work. Even special incantations didn't work. She was out cold. Raven shrugged, lifted Starfire off the floor, placed her on the bed, and continued her mad crusade to eliminate every dark color in the room. Blotches of purple spray paint were applied to the pink walls. The desk was layered in fuzzy pink matting and held fuzzy pink pencil holders stuffed with gel pens. It looked like something straight out of "Trading Spaces."

In a way, it was. Happy Raven was completely taking over. Some mysterious mental wire had been tripped inside Raven's head. But she didn't care. The real Raven was in Nevermore, feeling inexplicably happier than usual. She knew it was probably because of Beast Boy and Cyborg's equally inexplicable loss of speech, but she was happy about that too. Still, Beast Boy's loss of jokes lay nagging in the back of her head. She chuckled. Yesterday she would have given practically anything she owned to get those two to shut up. Today she was almost missing it. "Raven, you're losing it entirely," she said out loud. She walked off to find something more interesting to do than stand in the middle of a bleak nowhere mumbling to herself.

Happy Raven was having the time of her life. "I should get a job as a designer," she remarked proudly. Walking around the desk to survey her handiwork, she tripped on a hairbrush she had dropped and fell. One hand landed on the desk, specifically on the mirror. She vanished into thin air.

Fate is both cruel and annoying, and chose this exact moment to wake Starfire up. She (Starfire) sat up in the bed. "Friend Raven?" _Perhaps she is downstairs_, Starfire reasoned. She looked around the room. How could anybody change a room that much in the span of...the clock said two hours. Sighing and rubbing her back, the alien princess proceeded downstairs.


	2. Insufficient Light and HighTech Bells

If Dilbert's sworn enemy Phil the Prince of Insufficient Light could have seen the kitchen, he would have declared it his new domain. All minor evildoers would straighten up rather than be darned to the realm within the ketchup-layered walls. The ultimate embodiment of heck was laid out before one's eyes. Since both steak and tofu had been mutilated long ago, the bounty awarded to the victor of the battle was access to the ultimate weaponry-ice cubes. Cyborg's half of the battlefield was on the other side of the kitchen to Beast Boy's, and the gargantuan fridge was in the center of it all.

This was not going to end well.

Starfire flew back downstairs. "Has anyone seen friend Rav-aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh**!" (Her screams are shrill and long; did you get that feeling? Come on, shrill and long, shrill and long....)** This, perhaps, was the one thing to accomplish waking everybody up; Cyborg and Beast Boy in a figurative way, Robin in the literal one. Everyone gaped simultaneously. The kitchen, sparkling clean only hours ago, was now only cleanable by a power washer, if it was within reach of hope anymore now.

It probably wasn't.

Things were not going well. Chaos ensued all over the tower. Robin yelled. Beast Boy and Cyborg mouthed excuses. Starfire desperately tried to tackle the ketchup with all the relish she could mustard. Nobody noticed Raven was gone. Apparently Starfire had forgotten the reason she had come downstairs; but, who could blame her?

Dear Reader, we shall not go into the details of whatever Raven was doing, because although the infamous phrase "know thyself" sounds wonderfully wise in it's empty rhetoric, the actual process is phenomenally tedious, let alone the pleasures of watching it.

Translation-as far as Raven goes-who cares?

But, dear Reader, there is another phrase; it is "saved by the bell": which is to say, when a person is in an awkward situation with another person, and the latter's attention is conveniently diverted, this is the perfect opportunity for an escape. This phrase was most likely coined by schoolchildren, who likewise found themselves in awkward situations with their teacher, and as the bell for recess, dismissal, or even another class sounded, that child would raise his or her hands in a prayer of thanksgiving, as the teacher finally shut up and ducked underneath the desk to avoid being trampled by the stampede of students. The Teen Titans, of course, did not go to school, nor did they have teachers to yell at them; but they did have source of all annoying and loud sound at that frequency.

A. K. A., yelling.

Do you know what it is, dear Reader?

I'll give you three guesses.

In any case, there was a perfect opportunity to utter this phrase as red lights blinked and the alarm sounded.

"Saved by the bell," Beast Boy thought, raising his hands in a prayer of thanksgiving.

"Saved by the bell," Cyborg thought, raising his hands in a prayer of thanksgiving.

"Titans, go!" Robin yelled, raising his hands in a heroic pose.

It was a theft at the museum. These robber stories never got any more original.

Dear Reader, I would much prefer to tell you that the Titans appreciated Raven enough to try to find out where she was. I would like to tell you that they at least noticed she was gone. Most of all, I would love to tell you that the currently nonexistent love affair between Raven and Beast Boy caused him to know exactly where she was. But this would not be telling the truth, as much as the Titans would soon wish it was, because these were no typical robbers.

**Yes, it is incredibly short. You know, you can review with or without an account. I demand more reviews. That only two people have reviewed angers me. Oh, and many, many thanks to Jonakhensu for preventing me from making a complete idiot of myself. I knew when I started this fic that I would make that mistake somewhere.....**

"_Saved by the bell," Beast Boy muttered, raising his hands in a prayer of thanksgiving._

"_Saved by the bell," Cyborg muttered, raising his hands in a prayer of thanksgiving._

**Thanks for reminding me! As I was saying.....Review or feel my wrath!**


	3. Makeshift Helicopters and IllFated Distr...

**No, I don't own Teen Titans. begins fighting angry lawyers Or any associated intellectual property. Begins fleeing angry lawyers Or any characters. hides from angry lawyers (in a muffled voice ) And here's another chapter. The only thing I own is the plot! Angry lawyers leave. **

**Emerges Whoa, déjà vu. **

**Angry mob of readers approaches..... Gasp! .....Begins running...Angry lawyers, angry readers who are angry who want to kill me for not updating, and angry readers who are angry who want to kill me for giving away the end to "Spellbound" on my bio approach and prepare to burn me at the stake..... Grabs witches' broom and begins flying .....Ha, the power of the pen! I can do anything I want because I am the authoress!... I realize I don't have a pen....Gasp! Again! ....falls rapidly..... begins rising again flying some weird contraptiony thingy and typing .....Ha ha, the power of the computer, the high-tech version of the pen! Now, if only I had a faster typing speed.....Finds pen, gets on witch broom again, throws new chapter to angry mob**

**Enjoy! **

**Ch. 3**

**I just got back from Columbus! Here's another chappie! I finished my homework twice as fast for you! Appreciate me, people!**

The museum was across the city, so the Titans took the T-car. Cyborg had installed chopper blades so it would be able to fly. And so it would be able to defy the laws of physics. But that's another story. **(I promise you, dear Reader, that I will write it soon.)** This mainly contributed to the Titans' failure to notice that Raven was gone, probably because they were too preoccupied with trying to stay in their seats.

"Cyyyybbbborrrggg?" Robin gasped out, after roughly thirty seconds of this out-of-place rollercoaster.

"Yeah?" Cyborg sqiggled on the digital display on the dashboard.

"Arrrrreeee yyyyooouu sssuuurre tthhhisss iss sssafffeee?"

"No. Why do you ask?"

Of course, the bizarreness of Cyborg's makeshift helicopter was nothing compared to what the Titans encountered inside the museum.

Now, it should probably be explained that inside the science museum was currently an exhibit on the human psyche. Many gigantic plasma-like models of brains were hovering on the ceiling. Symbolic electrical signals zapped from plastic synapse to plastic synapse. Children rode on squishy pink seats that brought them along a track so they could explore various parts of the exhibit without running around to much. (And without getting their daily exercise or lack thereof. Well, they got the lack thereof, but their parents would have to deal with their cooped-up energy sooner or later.) The exhibit was suffering a slow day when the BrainBender attacked-the last two customers had left only moments before. Robbery hadn't been expected-no regular villain would ever try to rob this exhibit.

But the BrainBender wasn't a regular villain.

He was an idiot, too. And that is why he didn't listen to his mother and become a plastic surgeon-no, no-he had to become a supervillain instead. This, incidentally, was exactly what was on his mind when he cut a sleek round hole in the window and slipped in.

"I'm such an idiot. Why didn't I listen to my mother and become a plastic surgeon? No, no- I had to become a supervillain instead."

Looking around, he smiled malevolently-or as malevolently as a pink and evil and even cornier version of Sponge Bob Square Pants can possibly malevolently smile. Other villains made evil amusement parks, but nobody had yet corrupted a science exhibit. And with good reason-doing so was purely idiotic.

"Other villains make evil amusement parks, but nobody has yet corrupted a science exhibit. And doing so is purely GENIUS!"

Wow, he was a real flip-flopper.

"Wow, you're a real flip-flopper, you know that?" Robin asked, somersaulting through the hole in the window.

Ted groaned. This guy made lamer jokes than he did. Pressing a button in his belt (which made an appalling squishing noise when he did) Robin heard a click from the ceiling, and he realized with growing horror-well, not really, growing amusement-yes, that's the word I was looking for-that a holographic projector had shut off.

And as the lights dimmed, dark colors spread across the scene laid out before him. And just in time; he barely dodged a runaway pink riding-around-the-exhibit car.

Somersaulting behind a large model, Robin gasped for breath. He was completely new to this whole decoy thing. Normally the job went to Cyborg and Beast Boy, but their chief weapon of distraction was currently missing.

And he was about to find out why.

**I am SO sorry it was so short. I had a really long week, I was in Columbus. I will work at updating tomorrow (Saturday, the 23rd) and the day after next (Sunday, the 25th.) Please review!**

**By the way, what are you going to be for Halloween? I'm going to go as a witch because that way I don't have to wear a costume.**

**Happy Halloween, everybody!**


	4. Personal Space and Romance Novels

**So, here's another chapter for my favorite fans! Okay, okay, my only fans. Hope you enjoy it. And now, the disclaimer!**

**Disclaimer-er, what's my line again?**

**Anninymous-(whacks self on head) Anninymous doesn't own Teen Titans!**

**Disclaimer-huh?**

**Anninymous-oh, for the love of humanity, just-just-tap-dance.**

**Disclaimer-(begins tap-dancing) **

**Announcer, on speaker-STOP DANCING! ANNINYMOUS DOES NOT OWN TEEN TITANS, OR ANY ASSOCIATED INTELLECTUAL PROPERTY! YEESH!**

**Disclaimer-(turns red) I knew that.**

**Okay, give me more time for the next chappie, I'm trying to get into the writing team at my school, so don't expect any more work in this week, though another chapter might turn up. **

**Reviewers: **

**-SuperDucki-Hey, I'm Democratic, okay? And Kerry is a real flip-flopper- (rolls eyes) yes, changing one's opinion in 2000 from their opinion nine years before in 1991 is _real_ flip-flopping. My chief position though is "at least he's not Bush." Let's just avoid a political discussion, shall we? **

**-CrazyDeafGirl- This chapter promises some kind of sign language....they'll probably learn sign language at the end of the story. That's a cool idea. **

**EVERYONE-This chappie promises a little BB/Rae fluff, so if you don't like that, don't bother with reading it. I write the pairings I see in the show, and this is one of them. **

The Titans looked as though the phrase "personal space" didn't exist.

Clichéd though it is, dear Reader, this phrase does exist. And it represents a very real thing-the fact that it is painful, annoying, and somewhat insulting to be boxed together with three or more other people dangling above a whirling pool of you-don't-want-to-know, waiting for "The Pit and the Pendulum" to come into play. (Ted was obviously a sucker for the classics.) But this is exactly what the Titans were doing. And their dignity wasn't being helped at all by Ted's annoying ravings.

"My plan has worked perfectly! Hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhh!"

"Let me get this straight," Robin said, gawking at the fact that someone could willingly stop breathing that long. "You tried to poison us so that you'd be able to steal....?"

"EVERYTHING!"

"And, isn't there something more to this?"

Ted groaned. "Duh. Eventually, your friends' vocabulary will slowly disappear, then their total knowledge of the English language, and soon their ability to write. By the time the process is complete, their speech will return-but they will be able to speak only in Esperanto."

"But they don't know how to speak Esperanto."

"Oh, well then-they're done for."

"You are, I believe one says, "whacked?"" Starfire inquired.

Robin sighed. Starfire had such a way with words. He couldn't have phrased it better himself.

"What is Esperanto? Is it an Earthly competition?"

Robin groaned. SOMETIMES Starfire had such a way with words. Not so much now.

Beast Boy and Cyborg were wide-eyed. Had their vocal cords been operational, they would have been whimpering.

"Any way to stop it?" Robin hazarded. Heck, it was worth a try.

"Ye-no." The Brain-Bender turned red. It was obvious that he was lying through his teeth. Those teeth everybody present would have loved so much to break. "And if there was, I certainly wouldn't tell you."

"You're hiding something."

Beast Boy bit his lip. The situation was beyond help. But that wasn't what worried him. Something was missing here. He could tell from the look on Cyborg's face that he felt the same. Wait, it wasn't just something-it was someone-

_"Raven!"_ he thought.

"Well, I must be off," Ted finished. "Enjoy your doom."

"Isn't said enjoyment a physical impossibility?"

"Yes. Goodbye."

Happy Raven was racing towards the Forbidden Door. After finally getting Timid to help her, she wasn't going to let the prize slip from her hands-she was going to make it through that maze if it was the last thing she did. Down with those tacky gray wall hangings! But this time, she had some competition-

Herself. The original Raven had just found out where her friends were. Thank heaven for telepathy. She was going to kill that squishy magenta imbecile if it was the last thing she did. Down with that annoying exhibit!

"Ummmm....flapping?"

Beast Boy shook his head.

"Are you imitating a glorbnorsk?"

Beast Boy shook his head.

"Starfire, what's a glorbnorsk?"

Beast Boy shrugged.

Robin bit his tongue. "Some kind of bird.....?"

Something dawned on Cyborg. He nodded and began flapping too.

"Do you perhaps mean friend Robin?"

Beast Boy and Cyborg shook their heads. Cyborg stopped flapping and moved his hands into an R shape. **(How that is anatomically possible, I don't know, but Cyborg being Cyborg, and not knowing any real sign language, maybe he can distort his fingers weirdly or something.)**

"I hate charades." Robin muttered.

"What are charades?" inquired Starfire.

Cyborg clinked his hands against the glass. Robin finally took notice.

"R....."

Cyborg made an A.

"Ra?"

Beast Boy joined in and made a V by fanning his palms out.

"Rav..."

An E.

"Rave? Huh?"

Beast Boy and Cyborg shook their heads. Both moved their fingers to draw an N in the air.

"R-a-v-e-n----Raven!"

Cyborg and BB nodded vigorously. Maybe the situation was beyond help, but experience showed nothing was beyond Raven.

Raven flew across the maze. Happy was never good at doing things efficiently. Maybe that was why Happy liked Beast Boy. Of course, Timid also liked Beast Boy, and was always sad about the idea of losing him to Terra. And Knowledge had begun reading more romance novels. And....wait a minute, who was she kidding? Knowledge had just started reading romance novels and was downright addicted. "Why am I thinking about him so much?" Raven sighed.

"But how will friend Raven know we are here?" Starfire pointed out.

"She won't, unless we call her on the communicator." Robin replied. "Which we don't have."

Starfire sighed. Robin sighed too. Cyborg and Beast Boy sighed. Maybe they would never get the ability to coherently speak an English sentence again, but there was still hope. This wasn't Slade, after all. This was a complete idiot. Raven...was Raven. She could find her way out of anything and everything.

Raven sighed. Maybe she would never get that time alone in her room in the quiet, but her friends came first. And besides, there was still hope. She wouldn't have to save them from Slade, after all. This was a complete idiot. "I'm Raven," she reminded herself. (Not the only person who needed reminding...) "I can find my way out of anything and everything."

But she still didn't want to put it to the test.

**Like I said, wait a little while for a new chapter. I'm working more on , and these are busy times for me and the coven. Happy Halloween.**


	5. True Confessions and Navigational Diffic...

**Author's Notes: **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans. If I did, people might actually bother to look at me. Nor do I own American Chopper. Otherwise, I would be on it, and your TV would break of its own accord if you ever switched to that channel. **

**Responding to Reviews! I am so happy! **

**-Jonakhensu: Cyborg wasn't talking at the beginning chapter 3-he was still writing on the dashboard. **

**-CrazyDeafGirl: Thanks so much for finding that! That is a really great story. Very fluffy, some comedy, touching. Cyborg wasn't talking at the beginning chapter 3-he was still writing on the dashboard. **

**-EVERYBODY: Here's another chapter! If you want to read the story CrazyDeafGirl found, here's a link: **

**"The Mimes" is now officially Rae/BB. I am really sorry about not updating this fic. The only reason I'm updating it now is because a friend of mine has been asking me daily whether I have updated or not. She has also helped me with the plot to this chapter. (Don't worry, the next chapter will be dedicated to you.) There is also some Rob/Star fluff. **

**Chapter Dedication: To CrazyDeafGirl for finding said story. **

Ch. 5- True Confessions and Navigational Issues

The four Titans hanging above the boiling pot of you-don't-want-to-know were now losing all hope of Raven coming to rescue them. Granted, there wasn't much hope to lose.

Starfire moaned quietly. "I am now losing all hope of Raven coming to rescue us."

"Granted, there isn't much hope to lose." Robin was almost shouting over the clichéd tin-cup-against-cage-bars-scraping of Cyborg and Beast Boy.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Raven's form materialized outside her mirror. She stumbled around the room, stunned.

"I am stunned," she commented.

She couldn't help smiling a little. She liked the color pink. _No, no bad Raven!_ She thought to herself. _You are black and gloomy and sinister. People who are black and gloomy and sinister DO NOT LIKE THE COLOR PINK! _

But she couldn't help taking one last look before she lunged out the window and surged into flight.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Robin's stomach knotted as he looked at Starfire. What if he never told her…….this was his last chance. ……He fidgeted with his nails and swallowed hard.

"Erm….Starfire?"

"Yes….Robin?"

Cyborg and Beast Boy were holding cameras and tape recorders. A small crowd of soap-opera fans had congregated. This was the big moment.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

Hovering hesitantly above the city, Raven realized her problem. She had no clue where everybody else was. This could take a while, but there wasn't a while for it to take. She plunged downward sharply towards the mall.

TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

"Ummm….I j-just w-wanted to say that I…..er….." His lips couldn't seem to form that "l-" sound.

Starfire's unnaturally wide eyes widened unnaturally. Did he….no, it wasn't possible……there was no way…….

Cyborg and Beast Boy were using a telegraph to contact the media. News reporters began flocking in. Tabloid article writers hung from the walls like spiders.

They had obviously been preparing.

Robin and Starfire didn't even notice.

"That is….Starfire…." He was falling into the bottomless green cesspools of her eyes. Subconsiously, Robin's fingers felt their way towards the bars between his and Starfire's compartments. They touched hands.

"Starfire, I just wanted to say that I love-"

**Gasp! Will he say it? What will happen? **

**Are you burning me in effigy by now? If not, I suggest you see Lucy in the _Peanuts_ comic strip. **

**Yeah, yeah....I know it's short. Don't worry, you will get another chappie tomorrow as a Christmas Eve present.**

**Anyway, if you don't celebrate Christmas, I hope you have a very merry/happy Ramahannakwanzmas and solstice.**

Look for me among the soap-opera fans!


	6. Fancy Motorcycles and Inextricable Toast

"Starfire, I just wanted to say that I love-"  
CRASH!!!!!!

Raven crashed. Ignoring the splintered window behind her, she shook slivers of glass out of her hair and leather jacket. The motorcycle was beyond fancy, jet black with white on it in a spider-web pattern. The entire thing shone seamlessly.

Cyborg's jaw dropped.

Beast Boy was angrily hopping up and down mouthing curse words at the leather jacket.

Robin was blushing furiously. **(No, he doesn't like Raven, he's just humiliated about being that close to Starfire, with hands touching, about to admit that he is madly in love with her. Comprende? )** He and Starfire quickly retreated to corners of the box.

"Um.......toast?" Robin mumbled. "Yes, that's it.....I am....inextricably fond of....toast."

The reporters snapped photos of Raven instead. The soap-opera fans cursed and marched out with their noses turned up. The entire room was quickly emptied.

"Cyborg," Raven said, "You're going to have to guest-star on American Chopper next week."

Cyborg fainted.

**Allllll-righty. I don't own TT or AC. (Neither American Chopper nor alternating current.) Yes, I know it was really short. This is what little I have conquered over my writer's block. I am working on my first two novels (no, seriously. Don't laugh. ) and I AM ON MY SCHOOL WRITING TEAM!!!!! YAY!!!!! so I am writing more and more outside the realm of fanfic. Since these two chappies are basically the same one, I have no reviews to respond to. But that's all right, because this is a Ramahanakwanzmas/solstice present for all my favorite (and only) fans. **

**Happy Holidays.**


	7. Author's Note Sorta

_**Sorry I'm Late**_

**_(a short story inserted here for no good reason)_**

For no good reason, the entire building which 5 teenagers had somehow managed to afford collapsed. A villain cackled in the distance, then disappeared because nobody really cared. For no good reason. Cardboard boxes soared through the air. I practiced my typing speed. Slowly. For no good reason. Teachers taught algebra. For no good reason. And so Cincinatti may or may not have descended into anarchy. And that's when I got banned from the computer. It was a cold feeling. An empty feeling. The feeling that I could no longer frolic across the grassy hills of a chatroom, submit my next fanfic, or write this story was cold. And empty. And more or less a combination of the two. And then, just when I got on again, the computer collapsed. And so, I propped it up with a cucumber and began a fanfic chapter with only one sentence to link it to possibly being a fanfic.

Please don't throw that cucumber at me.


	8. Tofu and Holographic Projectors

Yes...it has been months. I admit it.

Don't throw things at me.

Ow.

Well, anyway...yesterday's disclamer haven willbe bypresented by my lousy work ethic.

My lousy work ethic.

insert crickets here

Lousy Work Ethic: I'm right here.

Where?

Lousy work ethic:look down.

What? Oh, oh yeah...here:

sets magnifying glass in front of lousy work ethic, and electron microscope in front of magnifying glass

That better?

Lousy work ethic: I guess.

Lousy Work Ethic: Anyway, Aninnymous does not own Teen Titans, any subsidiaries, any characters in this story not living or dead are probably results of my not working. Thank you.

On to the crap!

Beast Boy was attempting to wake Cyborg up. Poking? No. Bucket of water? No. Hay?

Where in heck did you get that idea?

Lousy work ethic: Alice in Wonderland.

Hitting over the head repeatedly? No...but it still felt good...Playing Judy Collins? N-

Yep. Within two seconds of turning on Starfire's CD player, BB found himself dangling upside down with Cyborg wordlessly swearing at him.

"Memo to self: Play Judy Collins at 4 am Tuesday," BB reminded himself as he crumpled to a heap on the floor of the cage.

"I've looked at clouds from both sides now-"

"So," said Raven shrewdly, "You totally forgot I wasn't there."

"Ummm...yeah."

"And you never thought of breaking this thing?"

"Umm...no."

"Well, start thinking already."

Robin, who was now a very deep shade of magenta, broke the glass.

Half an hour later, Ted was also dangling upside down, revealing the secret hiding place of the Relatively Medium-Sized Dictionary of Esperanto.

"Fourth shelf from the left at Borders."

"And what is the antidote?"

Ted swallowed hard.

"Tofu." Cyborg looked horrified.

"And scrambled eggs."

Beast Boy looked worse.

Robin looked satisfied. "What should we do with him?"

Raven grinned and pointed to the cage over the gigantic pot of Oscar Meyer carcinogens, borrowed from the Fairly Odd Parents.

Starfire held up tofu. "Shall he be forced to consume the beans of soy until the local law enforcement has found him?"

Raven grinned slight.ly. "I think so."

The Titans carried out the fitting punishment and left-almost.

"Come on, Raven, let's go!"

Raven bent down and slid something into the pocket of her cloak. "Okay."

Robin and Starfire had Cyborg restrained. With much difficulty. Beast Boy was miming something. Raven handed him a legal pad.

"Play Judy Collins."

Robin gawked. "Isn't that illegal?"

Beast Boy covered half the page with an inky scrawl:

"Yes."  
------------------------------------------------------TT-----------------------------------------------------------------------------  
"OK, B.B.-it's your turn."

"Come on." Raven pleaded. "It's organic.. Free range. The chicken that laid this had a good life. Unlike what will happen to you. If you don't eat this."

With a mix of grim resignation and struggling, BB opened his mouth.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?"

He swallowed, hands on his throat.

"Yes."

Suddenly, Beast Boy's expression changed from horror to joy. "My vocal cords! They don't hate me! Oh, voice, I missed you so! They didn't, but I did! Let's go do karaoke of Judy Collins!"

Cyborg choked on his mouthful of tofu.

B.B. froze.

"Cy, what are you eating?"

Cyborg coughed. "Umm..."

"That's tofu! You're eating tofu!"

The soap opera fans gasped. Somewhere, in the crowd, my work ethic invited tabloid reporters on a miniscule telegraph. A guest mechanic on American Chopper was dragged out by paramedics because the rafter he was hanging from had collapsed. News media halted their coverage of Mariah Carey's horoscope to cover it. The entire universe was gawking.

"Er-yeah."

--------------------------------------------------------------TT-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Raven lay back on her bed, renewed to a shade of charcoal black. Starfire knocked on the door.

"I am glad to be retaining of the consciousness, but somewhat sad your room has been restored to its former dark colors. "

"You knew I would do that, though, right?"

Starfire nodded. "Yes. Perhaps the color of pink is not right for you, correct?"

"Yeah. We all have different tastes.."

Starfire paused before closing the door. "I understand."

"I knew you would."

The door closed and her footsteps receded. As silence returned to the room, Raven reached below her bed and shut off Ted's holographic projector.

Somewhere in Nevermore, Happy Raven grinned.

---------------------------------------------------------------------TT---------------------------------------------------------------------------


End file.
